“Life has a funny way of working out just when you start to believe nothing ever will.”
But really though. I have always had a hard time seeing the good things happening in my life. It just felt like one thing after another was constantly going wrong and just when something good was finally happening, everything would fall apart again. I would see these amazing things happening to my friends and I was always wondering why good things weren’t happening to me.
I have a lot to be thankful for, but I couldn’t understand why I just felt stuck, like my life wasn’t moving forward and I couldn’t figure out how to get my life going. I always felt like I was stuck in this deep, dark hole and I couldn’t get out. I know a couple of times, it felt like I hit rock bottom in my life. It was the same pattern for 6 years. It was hard. I can’t recall how many times I sat with my parents, broken hearted and angry and I would cry so hard that I would hyperventilate. My life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was so mad at everything, especially God. Why did my life have to be this way?
It took a long time to figure it out, but I realized that I needed to make a change. It was up to me to get out of this dark place in my life and stop waiting around for something to happen. I was going to make it happen. I was going to be happy again. I was going to live this amazing and exciting life that I thought I was always going to live. I needed to set goals for myself, get out of my comfort zone, focus on working on myself physically, spiritually and mentally, and become the kind of person I wanted to be. It wasn’t easy, it was incredibly challenging, but I’ve learned a lot in the past year or so, especially about myself. I have been able to see my life finally go somewhere. At first, I didn’t have a job, but that was okay because I got to attended my church’s girls camp over the summer as a leader for the first time. Soon after, I was able to find amazing jobs with a couple of families who I ended up becoming amazing friends with. Even though my car of over 6 years died, I got brand new jobs and I was able to move out and live with my sister in her new house and soon after that, bought a new car. Everything was working out, even when sometimes it wasn’t. And then next thing I knew, my new, but used car died, I lost one of my jobs because their job would help cover for child care if the child was in daycare, I was going to lose hours at my other job and I couldn’t find a full or part time job anywhere. What the heck? It was all happening at the same time! I started to become frustrated and impatient, but then I decided that I needed to handle things differently, just like I had done previously. I did not give up, I did not let these losses get to me. I was going to have faith and trust that God has a plan for me and that something better was in store for me.
And now I’m here, living in Hawaii. I knew at a young age that this is where I would end up one day, but at the same time I never believed I would actually end up here. But I did it. It’s been 2 months and I have never been happier in my entire life. I have an amazing job, I’ve made some amazing friends. For the first time in a long time, I enjoy going to church and activities and I notice a huge change in my week and my attitude if I don’t get to attend. I’m learning so much and trying new things all the time. Everyday is an adventure to me and I’m constantly seeing my life being blessed. My life still isn’t perfect and I mess up a lot, I still have pretty hard days here and there, but I handle the hard times much differently now. They’re more bareable because I have nothing but faith and trust in my Heavenly Father. Now, more than ever, I know everything happens for a reason. I didn’t need my car or a job in South Carolina because I needed to be here. I don’t know why, but I’m excited to find out.