Loving Me

My inner critic is always hanging around. Some days she’s worse than others. As I was journaling the other day, I realized how bad she can be. She’s loud, negative, doubtful…the list can go on. Lately, she’s been comparing me to others.

I find myself scrolling through social media and looking at others, basically wishing I was as pretty as the girls you see or had their taste in fashion. I compare my instagram and my blog wishing it looked like theirs. My inner critic tells me I’m not pretty enough and I don’t try hard enough and I should just give up because no matter what I do, I won’t be good enough. No one looks at what I post and no one reads my blog. So why even bother?

I know! My inner critic is not nice. I would never let anyone talk to me that way or even let them talk to themselves like that. Why do I talk to myself so horribly? We all have an inner critic and he/she tells us different things. But we all have an inner best friend too. Maybe they are there or maybe we need to find them.

I recently listened to a podcast by Rachel Brathen and she talks about our inner critic and finding our inner best friend. It got me wondering where mine was. I didn’t think I really had one and if I did, she’s really quiet. Well, the last few weeks I’ve been working on finding her and making her speak up.

Whenever I start to to become critical of myself, I have to stop and remind myself of what my best friends would say to me or what I would say to one of my friends if I heard them say horrible things about themselves? I take a moment to find my inner best friend and she helps me repeat positive affirmations. I am enough. I am unique and beautiful in my own way. I am talented and special.

The more my inner best friend tells me that I’m enough and the more I hear myself say affirmations, the more I start to believe it. I feel like I can get though tough days and feeling down a lot better. The other day, I went to the lake and my friend, Rachel, took pictures of me. I was shocked. I was like “Wow! I really am beautiful!” I don’t think I’ve ever had that reaction to a picture of me. Yeah, I would look cute or good in the picture and a lot of the time I feel like I look like I was still in high school.

I feel like finding my inner best friend has helped me see my beauty and my self worth. She has helped me love myself and make me feel like I can accomplish anything. She encourages me to keep writing my blog and posting on social media because even though I don’t realize it, I am inspiring and helping others.

Home Again

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Since living in Hawaii the past year, I have found my go to places to eat. Teddy’s, Zippy’s, Anna Millers…places I’m going to miss dearly when I leave. But I do have to say I’m definitely looking forward to all of my old favorite places that I miss eating at since they aren’t in Hawaii. Firehouse subs, Olive Garden, Panera…oh my gosh you guys my mouth is watering and my stomach is rumbling just thinking about eating at these places again. I may go to sleep tonight and dream about olive gardens salads and breadsticks.

I’m looking forward to having all of my belongings again. My furniture, my pictures, movies and books, the rest of my clothes and shoes. I’ve done a good job living a whole year without those things, but let’s be real, I’ll be glad to have them back. On top of that I’ll have a car again and even though I have an AUX cord and can play music from my phone, I’m overjoyed to play my old mix CDs to bring back some good memories.

But yes…a car! I’m so happy I could cry. Taking the bus to work and home every day has been a pain. I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed it at times. I enjoyed people watching and seeing the different kinds of people take the bus and some familiar faces, after a while, and wonder what their stories are. But at the same time its going to be so nice to be able to control when I leave and where I go. It’s hard relying on a bus or other people to get to work and to do other things on my days off. And also road trips…I miss road trips.

Most of all, it’ll be nice to see my family and friends again. To be able to spend holidays and celebrations with them. I miss going over to my parents house to hang out and try to sneak out with frozen pizzas. And of course I can’t wait to be able to snuggle my dog Buddy again and run around with him in my parents back yard.

A New Year

Happy New Year everyone!

I was just thinking about everything that’s happened between now and this time last year. It has been a crazy year!

It started off well. I spent New Years with a couple of the greatest friends ever and then just a short few weeks later, I found out I got a job in Hawaii. I was excited to move.

My time here started off better than could ever be imagined. Lately, it has gotten a little rocky and now a little better.

I’ve changed and grown up a lot. I’m the same and completely different at the same time. I’ve tried new things and seen things I’ve never experienced before. Things I didn’t like or was scared of, I now enjoy. (For instance, when my sister was here in November, I ordered shrimp at a restaurant. She looked at me and said, “Are you going to eat that?” She was shocked because I don’t like seafood.)

It’s been an amazing journey living here in Hawaii. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat and honestly, I wouldn’t do anything differently…well, except have a better contract with my original job. Other than that, I didn’t regret a single thing.

The last few months haven’t quite been what I imagined for myself. I didn’t think I would have to search for a new job and a place to live. I knew living here would be different and sometimes a struggle. But I didn’t think I would end up without a place to live, having my job terminated early and my transportation all in a day. To start anew has been super tough. All I do now is work now.  I don’t have any time to spend with friends or explore the island. It actually breaks my heart.

So, after weeks of fighting myself about whether or not I need to stay here or go home, I’ve realized that what I need to do might not be what I want to do. I realize my adventure here in Hawaii is over for now and that I need to return home in February. Who knows? I would love to return. I want to come back.

This has probably been the hardest and most heartbreaking decision I’ve ever had to make. I love Hawaii so much. But after a while, I’ve started to be okay with going home. I know it’ll just be a temporary thing until I’m on to my next adventure. I’ve been thinking about moving to Charleston eventually but who knows.

What I do know is that my resolution for 2018 is to live a Happy life no matter where I am or who I am with.

Thanksgiving in Hawaii

Happy thanksgiving everyone. In no way this time last year did I think I’d be living here in Hawaii. It was on my mind, but I didn’t think it was actually possible. I’m amaze myself everyday. When I first moved here, things were going perfect, then the last couple of months have been a bit rocky. It got to the point that I thought that I had to go home to South Carolina. Not that I wanted to go back, because more than anything I want to be here, but under the circumstances I thought I might not have a choice but to move. I lost my job, which kind of meant I lost everything that was helping be here. But things worked out and they’re still working out. Seriously you guys, if it weren’t for my friends, Mariah and Victoria, I’d probably be back in SC. They gave me a place to live and a job. I couldn’t be more blessed or thankful to have them in my life.

The last week, my sister has been in town. Unfortunately I only got three and a half days to actually spend with her. I’m kind of sad that she’s here and I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her and miss thanksgiving. But being the new girl at my job, I wasn’t able to get any time off. But it is what it is. I’m just thankful that I even have this job to begin with. I’m thankful that my sister is here and for the time that I got to spend with her. I’m thankful that even though I have to work thanksgiving, I got to spend the first part of my day at the beach and snorkeling with my sister. We’ve been having a great time and I’m glad I got to work on my tan a little bit.

I’m very thankful that I live on this beautiful island and that things worked out for me to still be living here. I also very thankful for my parent for being supportive about me living here and being so helpful with things got hard. There’s so much that I’m thankful for this year, but if I wrote about every single thing, you’d be reading a book instead of a blog post.

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

Carolina Home


Recently, I took a trip home to the Carolina states. It’s been 7 months since I’ve seen my family and friends. Boy, did I miss them or what?

I got really lucky and had 8 days to visit. Originally I was flying back for a weekend for my friends wedding and then the day after the wedding, I’d fly back to Hawaii. It was good to be back in South Carolina. I haven’t really been home sick but I did miss everyone back home.

It was a good trip, but it was also kind of stressful. My friend Hannah’s wedding was beautiful and perfect! I’m beyond grateful she asked me to be a bridesmaid and that I was able to fly back for her wedding. I got to see my parents new home and spend time running around outside with my dog. I’ve never seen Buddy look so happy. At our old home, we had a gated pool area for him to run around free, but it wasn’t much. We had 10 acres of woods but he liked to run off and so we always had to keep him leashed. Now he has lots of room to run around free and unleashed.

I really wanted to visit Charleston, SC while I was home. I know, why would I go to the beach when I live in Hawaii and I’m surrounded by beaches? Well, Charleston has always been my favorite place to visit. I would go there all the time during the summer and I just missed it. Some of the greatest memories of mine have been made there. But I wasn’t able to take a road trip there because Charleston had just been pretty damaged by the Hurricane.

I was in the Carolina’s for 8 days and I tried to see all of my family and friends. I had it all planned out. But right before my trip, all of the plans kept changing. I ended up not getting to see everyone like I wanted. It kind of bothered me. Especially, when I’m trying to fit every one in my schedule in a short amount of time and trying not to feel bad if I left someone out. It got to the point that I barely got to spend time with my family.

I already miss everyone so much, but I’m so glad to be back in Hawaii. If anything, while I was in South Carolina, I got homesick for Hawaii. The Carolinas will always be home, but I don’t feel like it’s where I belong. I know more than anything that I made the right decision to move to Hawaii. It’s going to suck seeing my family about 2 times a year, but I don’t regret moving to Hawaii at all.

I’ll be back in The Carolina’s sometime in March. If you didn’t get to see me on my last trip, hopefully I’ll see you next time. I might just end up having a big party so I can see everyone at once.

Waikiki Weekend Getaway

Sometimes, life gets a little overwhelming. You get stressed out easily. You’re working a lot and you’re finding it hard to relax. You need a little vacation. So, what do you do? Well, book a Hotel and have a mini getaway, of course!

Seriously you guys, this was just what I needed. My best friend and I booked a hotel room and pretended to live this luxurious life. It’s was fun and relaxing. It was also a great way to play tourist since we live in Hawaii. We forget to take advantage of the fact that we live on this beautiful Island.

We booked a room at the Laylow Autograph Collection in Waikiki, Hi. They have great prices and the stay was wonderful. They upgraded us to a suite for free and we even got a goodie basket…we were pretty excited about that. We laid in bed and watched Milan on Netflix, went to the pool and laid out in the awesome pool chairs. I mean the chairs were actually in the pool. How cool and relaxing is that? Afterwards, we ate dinner and got fruity drinks by the bar and ended the day by getting all dressed up and going dancing with a group of our friends.

I’m pretty sure my favorite part was wearing the super comfy robes that the hotel provides. I just wish we were able to take them home. I even slept in mine because it was so comfortable.

I’m definitely looking forward to doing this again soon. It was much needed, very relaxing and so much fun!


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I Suck At Dating

I suck at dating. No, but really I do. On top of that I just have the worst luck ever with the guys I date. I’m 25 and I’ve been on like 4 dates in the past 2 years. Because of my bad past with relationships and the fact that I hardly date, I just don’t know what I’m doing. Plus, it’s terrifying and there’s so much pressure that comes a long with dating.

Do I like being single? Yes and no. Sometimes it’s kind of nice having the freedom and space of being single, but it’s also lonely…especially when 90% of your friends are in a relationship. But I’m comfortable being single. I’m used to it. I don’t have to worry about someone breaking my heart either.

I don’t know about you, but for me, dating causes me so much stress and anxiety. I want to look my best… I don’t want to try to hard… am I doing enough? I want to be myself with someone, but it’s hard because I really want to impress them. I want them to see me in a certain way because I like them and I really want them to like me back. I don’t ever know what to do or say. The beginning stage of dating when you’re starting to get to know one another is the worst. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong…there’s nothing more exciting than meeting someone new and getting to know them. The butterflies you get when you talk to them and see them and the excitement is such a rush. But it’s also scary and weird and definitely awkward. At the same time, there’s nothing more terrifying. It comes to a point when I start to overthink and read in to things. Worried it won’t last. Worried that I’ll get hurt again. I’ve actually gotten to the point that I don’t get my hopes up anymore.

It’s easy for me to be friends with guys it’s easy for me to talk to them and get to know them, but when I try to date, there’s so much pressure and I feel like I don’t know what to do. I wish it was easy like it’s easy just being friends with them. I know that’s probably weird, but I have no idea what I’m doing.