Now Is The Time To Heal

Sunset photo taken by Caleb White

To be honest. I’ve had a hard time lately dealing with the the fact that I left Hawaii. I miss it. I miss the island life, the energy I felt there, the atmosphere and the gorgeous view. Everything about it was beautiful. I loved my life there. It may have been the happiest I have ever been. Although it was hard at times and I definitely struggled, it was where I wanted to be. I knew when I took the job in Hawaii, the chances were that I’d only be there for a year, but I fell in love with the island and my life there and wanted to stay longer.

After losing my job, I tried to make it work for as long as I could in Hawaii. I ended up living with my best friend on the island and had a good job. It looked pretty promising. But once again I felt like my life was falling apart. After a while, I had a strong impression that I needed to move home. I fought that feeling for a while. I refused to go back to South Carolina. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and friends here, but I just felt like I couldn’t be myself and live the life I wanted. On top of that it’s like my past relationships and the unhappiness I felt before haunts me. Finally, I grew tired of fighting and learned to accept that I was no longer supposed to be in Hawaii. So, I called my parents and told them that I knew what I needed to do…I’m coming home.

I actually felt homesick for Oahu and cried myself to sleep for nights. It’s been over a month now and I’m starting to be more okay with being back. Each day gets a little better. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard not to wish I was still in Hawaii. Leaving was definitely the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. Honestly, I think I rather have been dumped because leaving my life there was definitely more heartbreaking. I’ve felt very abandoned, confused and lost since moving home. I know I’m supposed to be here for some reason, but why? Why am I here? Why did I have to give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life?

I don’t know the answer to those questions yet, but for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling very hopeful and optimistic. I know there is a plan for me. It may not be exactly what I had in mind or maybe it is. It’s hard to believe that good things can happen, but they will. I know they will. Only because I have been through this several times before. This is not the first time I’ve been broken hearted or felt like I hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a good place to start rebuilding yourself.

I’ve learned that you can’t expect everything to change and get better over night. It takes time to heal. It takes time to put yourself and your life back together. Be patient with yourself. Don’t give up hope. Believe in yourself and in your dreams. God has a plan for you. Trust in that plan. I know if I didn’t listen to that prompting to return home, I would miss out on other opportunities for great things to happen. I know that even though leaving Hawaii was difficult, He has something great planned for me next. I’m excited to see what will happen next and I wish I could know now. But now is the time for me to heal and to work on myself to get where I need to be.

Home Again

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Since living in Hawaii the past year, I have found my go to places to eat. Teddy’s, Zippy’s, Anna Millers…places I’m going to miss dearly when I leave. But I do have to say I’m definitely looking forward to all of my old favorite places that I miss eating at since they aren’t in Hawaii. Firehouse subs, Olive Garden, Panera…oh my gosh you guys my mouth is watering and my stomach is rumbling just thinking about eating at these places again. I may go to sleep tonight and dream about olive gardens salads and breadsticks.

I’m looking forward to having all of my belongings again. My furniture, my pictures, movies and books, the rest of my clothes and shoes. I’ve done a good job living a whole year without those things, but let’s be real, I’ll be glad to have them back. On top of that I’ll have a car again and even though I have an AUX cord and can play music from my phone, I’m overjoyed to play my old mix CDs to bring back some good memories.

But yes…a car! I’m so happy I could cry. Taking the bus to work and home every day has been a pain. I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed it at times. I enjoyed people watching and seeing the different kinds of people take the bus and some familiar faces, after a while, and wonder what their stories are. But at the same time its going to be so nice to be able to control when I leave and where I go. It’s hard relying on a bus or other people to get to work and to do other things on my days off. And also road trips…I miss road trips.

Most of all, it’ll be nice to see my family and friends again. To be able to spend holidays and celebrations with them. I miss going over to my parents house to hang out and try to sneak out with frozen pizzas. And of course I can’t wait to be able to snuggle my dog Buddy again and run around with him in my parents back yard.

A New Year

Happy New Year everyone!

I was just thinking about everything that’s happened between now and this time last year. It has been a crazy year!

It started off well. I spent New Years with a couple of the greatest friends ever and then just a short few weeks later, I found out I got a job in Hawaii. I was excited to move.

My time here started off better than could ever be imagined. Lately, it has gotten a little rocky and now a little better.

I’ve changed and grown up a lot. I’m the same and completely different at the same time. I’ve tried new things and seen things I’ve never experienced before. Things I didn’t like or was scared of, I now enjoy. (For instance, when my sister was here in November, I ordered shrimp at a restaurant. She looked at me and said, “Are you going to eat that?” She was shocked because I don’t like seafood.)

It’s been an amazing journey living here in Hawaii. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat and honestly, I wouldn’t do anything differently…well, except have a better contract with my original job. Other than that, I didn’t regret a single thing.

The last few months haven’t quite been what I imagined for myself. I didn’t think I would have to search for a new job and a place to live. I knew living here would be different and sometimes a struggle. But I didn’t think I would end up without a place to live, having my job terminated early and my transportation all in a day. To start anew has been super tough. All I do now is work now.  I don’t have any time to spend with friends or explore the island. It actually breaks my heart.

So, after weeks of fighting myself about whether or not I need to stay here or go home, I’ve realized that what I need to do might not be what I want to do. I realize my adventure here in Hawaii is over for now and that I need to return home in February. Who knows? I would love to return. I want to come back.

This has probably been the hardest and most heartbreaking decision I’ve ever had to make. I love Hawaii so much. But after a while, I’ve started to be okay with going home. I know it’ll just be a temporary thing until I’m on to my next adventure. I’ve been thinking about moving to Charleston eventually but who knows.

What I do know is that my resolution for 2018 is to live a Happy life no matter where I am or who I am with.

Thanksgiving in Hawaii

Happy thanksgiving everyone. In no way this time last year did I think I’d be living here in Hawaii. It was on my mind, but I didn’t think it was actually possible. I’m amaze myself everyday. When I first moved here, things were going perfect, then the last couple of months have been a bit rocky. It got to the point that I thought that I had to go home to South Carolina. Not that I wanted to go back, because more than anything I want to be here, but under the circumstances I thought I might not have a choice but to move. I lost my job, which kind of meant I lost everything that was helping be here. But things worked out and they’re still working out. Seriously you guys, if it weren’t for my friends, Mariah and Victoria, I’d probably be back in SC. They gave me a place to live and a job. I couldn’t be more blessed or thankful to have them in my life.

The last week, my sister has been in town. Unfortunately I only got three and a half days to actually spend with her. I’m kind of sad that she’s here and I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her and miss thanksgiving. But being the new girl at my job, I wasn’t able to get any time off. But it is what it is. I’m just thankful that I even have this job to begin with. I’m thankful that my sister is here and for the time that I got to spend with her. I’m thankful that even though I have to work thanksgiving, I got to spend the first part of my day at the beach and snorkeling with my sister. We’ve been having a great time and I’m glad I got to work on my tan a little bit.

I’m very thankful that I live on this beautiful island and that things worked out for me to still be living here. I also very thankful for my parent for being supportive about me living here and being so helpful with things got hard. There’s so much that I’m thankful for this year, but if I wrote about every single thing, you’d be reading a book instead of a blog post.

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

Waikiki Weekend Getaway

Sometimes, life gets a little overwhelming. You get stressed out easily. You’re working a lot and you’re finding it hard to relax. You need a little vacation. So, what do you do? Well, book a Hotel and have a mini getaway, of course!

Seriously you guys, this was just what I needed. My best friend and I booked a hotel room and pretended to live this luxurious life. It’s was fun and relaxing. It was also a great way to play tourist since we live in Hawaii. We forget to take advantage of the fact that we live on this beautiful Island.

We booked a room at the Laylow Autograph Collection in Waikiki, Hi. They have great prices and the stay was wonderful. They upgraded us to a suite for free and we even got a goodie basket…we were pretty excited about that. We laid in bed and watched Milan on Netflix, went to the pool and laid out in the awesome pool chairs. I mean the chairs were actually in the pool. How cool and relaxing is that? Afterwards, we ate dinner and got fruity drinks by the bar and ended the day by getting all dressed up and going dancing with a group of our friends.

I’m pretty sure my favorite part was wearing the super comfy robes that the hotel provides. I just wish we were able to take them home. I even slept in mine because it was so comfortable.

I’m definitely looking forward to doing this again soon. It was much needed, very relaxing and so much fun!


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Trail of Trials

Back in October, I was diagnosed with Asthma. I’ve always had athletic asthma which made it difficult to play basketball or run. The older I got, the worse it became. And now it’s just full on Asthma. One inhaler for mornings and nights and another to use through out the day when I need it. Last year I did a lot of hiking and realized breathing was slightly difficult, but I figured it was normal for me and I pushed through it. I (FINALLY) went hiking this weekend with friends here in Hawaii… I. About. Died. It may have been an easy trail for most people, but for me, it wasn’t. I realized I was definitely out of shape. This is also the first time I’ve been hiking with my ashthma like this. My lungs hurt bad. I couldn’t catch my breath. Once I did, I’d walk a few more feet and I couldn’t breathe again. I told my friends to go ahead without me. I didn’t want to hold them back, nor did I think I could go any further. I wanted to stay right where I was, sitting on a rock and let them make it to the top. I wanted to cry, but didn’t. I was angry because I already deal with other health issues, I now have crappy lungs too. It sucks.

I sat for a while, not wanting to get up and go further. I considered going back down to the cars. But finally, I decided that I’m a tough girl. I was going to finish the hike. I was going to make it to my friends. I was not going to let Asthma and my health problems stop me from doing the things I wanted to do. I was going to kick asthma in the butt. I was going to prove myself that I could do it. And I did. After a while I didn’t have trouble breathing any more, probably because I puffed my inhaler a lot, and I really started to enjoy the hike. I made it to my friends and it felt good! I will definitely do an easier hike next time and work my way up to the more difficult hikes.

Today, my legs are KILLING ME! Haha, but I’m definitely motivated to kick my butt in gear in get into shape for these hikes! I can do this!

Island Fun

I’ve almost seen the whole island now. Before I haven’t been able to see or do much. It’s been incredible and loads of fun. I’ve done things I’ve never done before. I went cliff jumping at Laie Point and I finally saw my FIRST SEA TURTLE! If you don’t know me, you should know that I’m obsessed with sea turtles. The only time I have seen one was in an aquarium and it was for a brief moment. Seeing one swimming around free in the open water is nothing like seeing one in the aquarium. It’s magical and breath taking. Literally. I could barely breathe after I screamed loudly under water. I wanted to cry, but I was so shocked that I couldn’t cry or even say anything besides “oh my gosh” over and over again. Apparently a good place to go snorkeling and to see turtles is Sharks Cove. Cliff jumping was completely awesome. I felt like I could do anything after that. I was nervous at first, not about jumping, but only about getting back on to the rock. It looked a little complicated. But I did it. I’m proud of myself.

While exploring, I have found my where I love to go and relax in the sun. The Makapu’u tide pools. I just want to get me one of those big flamingo floats and relax in the water with friends. It’s peaceful there and absolutely gorgeous. Definitely and instagram worthy location, at least to me it is. But nothing beats my go-to spot at the Nanakuli beach. It might not be the most gorgeous place on the island, but it’s still beautiful and close to the mermaid caves. I love the water there and how it’s not crowded with people like the east and north sides of Oahu. I also go there a lot because it’s pretty close to where I live.

It’s been exciting exploring the island and doing all of these things. I have even found some great places to eat. I went to Boots & Kimo’s Homestyle Kitchen and Over Easy for breakfast with some family friends that are visiting and we ate the best pancakes and omelets that we have ever had. Both of them are delicious, but I think Over Easy was my favorite. Their crispy edge pancake (with the daily fruit and powder sugar) was heaven in my tummy. It’s bit of a drive for me, but I plan to go there more often when I’m on that side of the island. Ever since I moved here, I always said that everything tastes better here, and that’s including shrimp! I do not eat seafood often. Rarely I’ll have a couple of shrimp and some crab dip here and there, but lately, I’ve been eating a lot of it! Shrimp scampi, shrimp stuffed crab cakes and even shrimp from food trucks! And for some reason it tastes even better from a food truck. My dad will probably pass out from reading this and my sister will probably be even more excited to visit me and go out to eat with me. Seriously, this is shocking, even to me. But when you live in a place like Hawaii, you have to get out of your comfort zone and try new things. Who knows! The things you used to dislike might become something you love.

If you plan on visiting Oahu one day, then I just gave you some great locations to check out. To those of you who just moved to a new city or state or even an island like me or if you are on vacation…. get out of the house. Get out of the hotel room. Explore. Go do things outside of your normal routine and comfort zone. Go do the things you’ve always wanted to try. It’ll be fun and totally worth it.

Be Brave With Your Life

As I’m driving one day through Oahu, I look at the beautiful sunset behind the mountains and I can’t help but to smile and laugh a little. I became overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness. Sometimes I still can’t believe that I took a huge risk and moved here. I began to think about what my life would have been like if I was still living in South Carolina. I’m almost positive that it would have been the same as it was when I left. I’m sure I would have found a new job and a new car, but I’d be still living with my sister wondering if there was some grand adventure out there for me. Waiting around for something truely amazing and exciting to happen to me. The thing is…Sometimes those amazing and exciting things aren’t just going to happen…sometimes we have to make them happen. We have to take risks. I took a big risk moving to Hawaii. (I moved here with nothing but faith, four suitcases, and $30 in my bank account.) I believe that I’m here for a reason, but I also believe I’m here because of my own agency. I could have chosen to stay in South Carolina. It would have been the easy thing to do. It wouldn’t have been a bad choice, but I knew that other than my friends and family, there was nothing for me anymore in South Carolina. I needed something different in my life.

So many incredible things have happened to me since I’ve moved here. I’ve been able to see good things happen in my life and be able to recognize how blessed I am. I have strengthened my relationship with God. I have a deeper love and appreciation for others and for different cultures. I’ve learned so much about myself and have opened up a lot. A lot of my likes and dislikes have changed. My desire to learn and travel has gotten stronger. I’m not normally this brave…in fact I never thought of myself as brave, but through this I’ve learned how to be happy and overcome my fears and anxiety.

I think that taking risks is good for the soul. Life is a learning experience. It’s amazing to think about how we can live whatever life we want to live. We can do whatever we want if we put our minds to it. It’s up to us. Have a little faith and follow your dreams. Make goals and do it! Go apply for that dream job. Move to a new city. Ask that person that you’ve had a big crush on a date. Take a chance. You never know what will happen. Maybe it’ll be everything you’ve dreamed of. The outcomes are endless and can be really great. And if it doesn’t go so well, try again or find a new dream and try that one out. We are in control of our happiness and our futures. Follow your heart.

“If there’s even a slight chance at getting something that will make you happy, risk it. Life’s too short and happiness is too rare.” 

-A. R. Lucas

The Live-In Nanny Life


Most of you are probably wondering “what is it like to be living with the family you work with?”

When I first moved in, it took a bit of getting used to. It was a bit chaotic because there was a full house. The mom, two kids, two grandparents, me and my mom. I was also trying to get though a sinus infection that I got on the way over to Hawaii. It was a lot. Pretty much from day one, I was already helping out with the kids and doing things around the house. I didn’t have time to get out and see things. We were busy, busy, busy. All I wanted to do was sleep and spend time with my mom before she left. But it was good though, I’m glad I was able to figure things outs right away before I was supposed to officially start working. I would have been alone, no help, two new kids, in a strange house where I didn’t know where anything was. It would have been even more overwhelming than it already was.

After a week and a half, it was just the Mom, kids and me. It was a lot calmer and I was able to relax some. I was super worried that I would feel like I’m living in someone else’s home, which sometimes it feels that way, especially since the husband came home from deployment, but it’s never bothered me. I’ve always been the kind of person to make themselves at home anywhere I go. Each day I’m here, I’m becoming more comfortable and more at home. The family has been so great and welcoming, that it makes being in their home so much better.

Living with kids is still taking some getting used to. This has been helping me work on my patience and is preparing me to be a parent even more. I have been a nanny for the past three years. I thought I have been through it all. Since I’ve been here, the kids have had so many different illnesses. There’s been a lot of crying, coughing, runny noses and doctors appointments. And I’ve been doing everything I can to not get sick, which I have learned there’s almost no avoiding it. I’m having to get used to the 2 year old always coming into my room. Most of the time I love it. It’s cute when she runs in to bring toys in my room in play. She enjoys  getting ready with me before I go somewhere. Sometimes when she hasn’t seen me in a while, she comes in my room to say hello and give me a hug. Then, there are times when I’ve had a long day and want to be left alone or take a nap, it’s not so cute. Not only that, the 2 year old comes into my room and messes with my stuff. I have a lot of stuff that I don’t mind her playing with or touching, but somehow she always gravitates towards the stuff I don’t want her to touch. She hasn’t messed up a lot, just my brand new makeup and broke my favorite pair of sunglasses. And before I leave somewhere she usually takes my keys or my shoes and runs off with them or hides them. Haha. Parents are probably laughing at me while reading this. I know it’s going to be worse and I’m going to basically have zero privacy when I have my own kids.

It’s going to take some getting used to living with kids, but I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. There are times that the kids drive me up the wall and I can’t wait for the parents to come home so I can escape, but I adore them. I love their laughs and their warm snuggles. The sweetest thing is when I leave she has to hug me and stand by the door and when I come home, she greets me with a big warm hug and tells me how much she missed me. My favorite part of my work day is singing songs all day long, over and over again…that and nap time. Haha.

Each day is a new learning experience. I’m excited to spend the next year with this wonderful family.

Life Has A Funny Way Of Working Out


“Life has a funny way of working out just when you start to believe nothing ever will.”

But really though. I have always had a hard time seeing the good things happening in my life. It just felt like one thing after another was constantly going wrong and just when something good was finally happening, everything would fall apart again. I would see these amazing things happening to my friends and I was always wondering why good things weren’t happening to me.

I have a lot to be thankful for, but I couldn’t understand why I just felt stuck, like my life wasn’t moving forward and I couldn’t figure out how to get my life going. I always felt like I was stuck in this deep, dark hole and I couldn’t get out. I know a couple of times, it felt like I hit rock bottom in my life. It was the same pattern for 6 years. It was hard. I can’t recall how many times I sat with my parents, broken hearted and angry and I would cry so hard that I would hyperventilate. My life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was so mad at everything, especially God. Why did my life have to be this way?

It took a long time to figure it out, but I realized that I needed to make a change. It was up to me to get out of this dark place in my life and stop waiting around for something to happen. I was going to make it happen. I was going to be happy again. I was going to live this amazing and exciting life that I thought I was always going to live. I needed to set goals for myself, get out of my comfort zone, focus on working on myself physically, spiritually and mentally, and become the kind of person I wanted to be. It wasn’t easy, it was incredibly challenging, but I’ve learned a lot in the past year or so, especially about myself. I have been able to see my life finally go somewhere. At first, I didn’t have a job, but that was okay because I got to attended my church’s girls camp over the summer as a leader for the first time. Soon after, I was able to find amazing jobs with a couple of families who I ended up becoming amazing friends with. Even though my car of over 6 years died, I got brand new jobs and I was able to move out and live with my sister in her new house and soon after that, bought a new car. Everything was working out, even when sometimes it wasn’t. And then next thing I knew, my new, but used car died, I lost one of my jobs because their job would help cover for child care if the child was in daycare, I was going to lose hours at my other job and I couldn’t find a full or part time job anywhere. What the heck? It was all happening at the same time! I started to become frustrated and impatient, but then I decided that I needed to handle things differently, just like I had done previously. I did not give up, I did not let these losses get to me. I was going to have faith and trust that God has a plan for me and that something better was in store for me.

And now I’m here, living in Hawaii. I knew at a young age that this is where I would end up one day, but at the same time I never believed I would actually end up here. But I did it. It’s been 2 months and I have never been happier in my entire life. I have an amazing job, I’ve made some amazing friends. For the first time in a long time, I enjoy going to church and activities and I notice a huge change in my week and my attitude if I don’t get to attend. I’m learning so much and trying new things all the time. Everyday is an adventure to me and I’m constantly seeing my life being blessed. My life still isn’t perfect and I mess up a lot, I still have pretty hard days here and there, but I handle the hard times much differently now. They’re more bareable because I have nothing but faith and trust in my Heavenly Father. Now, more than ever, I know everything happens for a reason. I didn’t need my car or a job in South Carolina because I needed to be here. I don’t know why, but I’m excited to find out.