New year. Same me.

d6b5b287-6d0e-4cc3-b3a3-c545fb4270c9fb10905f-297c-4c59-a671-b304cd4016c124d7cb12-8043-4f3b-9704-c54c55786b024e858b2b-b6b7-4ca9-a0fe-48be9bf2b633

This year I want to continue growing into the better and happier version of myself. 2019 will be a great year. I have decided that now. It will have its ups and downs just like every year does, but one thing I know I’ve learned from 2018 is that everything ALWAYS works out. Maybe not the way you want it to or as fast as you would like, but it does work out. 

How do I plan to grow into the better and happier me? Well, I’ll keep looking for ways to improve. Spiritually, mentally, physically. There’s always room for growth. Sometimes it’s just trying new things, going new places, learning something new by reading a book or picking up a new hobby, and taking risks.

Here is what I plan on doing in 2019:

I will start saving money better and doing more for others.

I will quit eating out as much and drinking so much soda.

I will learn how to start a mini garden at my apartment, a new language.

I will be more optimistic and patient during the hard times in my life.

I will improve on my yoga training and meditation.

New year, same me…just better. One that loves herself and wants to see herself grow, whatever that may take. I know this because I decided this, and you can too. Decide right now that this is going to be your year! Decide right now that no matter what happens, it will all work out for the best.

How are you going to make 2019 a great year for you? What are your goals and dreams for this year? How are you going to be a better version of yourself?

Working On My Personal Happiness

4333FEE9-04C7-4AFD-A7CB-F13CE7C26633

Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset

Most of you know that over the last few months I have been struggling since moving back to South Carolina. I’ve felt very lost and depressed, but over the past couple of weeks I have been feeling much better. I’m feeling stronger and happier and I’m okay with where I’m at right now.

I still get sad when I see pictures of my friends in Hawaii or something reminds me of my life there. But then I smile and tell myself, “How awesome is it, that I got to live my dream”. Not many people get to do that and I did. I should be thankful. And I am. The past few weeks I have been working on myself…taking care of myself and changing my mindset.

One of the things I’ve been doing to help is make different kinds of lists. Not your normal shopping or to do list, but a list of short term and long term goals, a list of dreams, things that make me happy, things I’m thankful for…those kinds of lists. They’re all positive things and keep me from looking back on the past or focusing on the negative.

I’ve noticed that when I talk or think about the things that make me happy, I feel happy too. I wanted to share with you my list of 5 things that make me happy.

5 things that makes me happy:

1Spending time with family and friends

2Going to the beach or being outdoors

3Packing up the car and going on road trips.

4Going to Barnes N’ Nobles to find a good book to read and a comfy chair to sit in for a few hours

5Eating fresh fruit 

Whenever you have the time make a list for yourself. Feel free to share it in the comments or keep it to yourself. If you want to, you can even challenge a friend to do it with you. Add more than 5 things to it if you wish, make other lists too, just don’t forget to look back on them to see how far you go and use them as a reminder of your goals and of your happiness.

Now Is The Time To Heal

Sunset photo taken by Caleb White

To be honest. I’ve had a hard time lately dealing with the the fact that I left Hawaii. I miss it. I miss the island life, the energy I felt there, the atmosphere and the gorgeous view. Everything about it was beautiful. I loved my life there. It may have been the happiest I have ever been. Although it was hard at times and I definitely struggled, it was where I wanted to be. I knew when I took the job in Hawaii, the chances were that I’d only be there for a year, but I fell in love with the island and my life there and wanted to stay longer.

After losing my job, I tried to make it work for as long as I could in Hawaii. I ended up living with my best friend on the island and had a good job. It looked pretty promising. But once again I felt like my life was falling apart. After a while, I had a strong impression that I needed to move home. I fought that feeling for a while. I refused to go back to South Carolina. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and friends here, but I just felt like I couldn’t be myself and live the life I wanted. On top of that it’s like my past relationships and the unhappiness I felt before haunts me. Finally, I grew tired of fighting and learned to accept that I was no longer supposed to be in Hawaii. So, I called my parents and told them that I knew what I needed to do…I’m coming home.

I actually felt homesick for Oahu and cried myself to sleep for nights. It’s been over a month now and I’m starting to be more okay with being back. Each day gets a little better. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard not to wish I was still in Hawaii. Leaving was definitely the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. Honestly, I think I rather have been dumped because leaving my life there was definitely more heartbreaking. I’ve felt very abandoned, confused and lost since moving home. I know I’m supposed to be here for some reason, but why? Why am I here? Why did I have to give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life?

I don’t know the answer to those questions yet, but for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling very hopeful and optimistic. I know there is a plan for me. It may not be exactly what I had in mind or maybe it is. It’s hard to believe that good things can happen, but they will. I know they will. Only because I have been through this several times before. This is not the first time I’ve been broken hearted or felt like I hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a good place to start rebuilding yourself.

I’ve learned that you can’t expect everything to change and get better over night. It takes time to heal. It takes time to put yourself and your life back together. Be patient with yourself. Don’t give up hope. Believe in yourself and in your dreams. God has a plan for you. Trust in that plan. I know if I didn’t listen to that prompting to return home, I would miss out on other opportunities for great things to happen. I know that even though leaving Hawaii was difficult, He has something great planned for me next. I’m excited to see what will happen next and I wish I could know now. But now is the time for me to heal and to work on myself to get where I need to be.