Now Is The Time To Heal

Sunset photo taken by Caleb White

To be honest. I’ve had a hard time lately dealing with the the fact that I left Hawaii. I miss it. I miss the island life, the energy I felt there, the atmosphere and the gorgeous view. Everything about it was beautiful. I loved my life there. It may have been the happiest I have ever been. Although it was hard at times and I definitely struggled, it was where I wanted to be. I knew when I took the job in Hawaii, the chances were that I’d only be there for a year, but I fell in love with the island and my life there and wanted to stay longer.

After losing my job, I tried to make it work for as long as I could in Hawaii. I ended up living with my best friend on the island and had a good job. It looked pretty promising. But once again I felt like my life was falling apart. After a while, I had a strong impression that I needed to move home. I fought that feeling for a while. I refused to go back to South Carolina. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and friends here, but I just felt like I couldn’t be myself and live the life I wanted. On top of that it’s like my past relationships and the unhappiness I felt before haunts me. Finally, I grew tired of fighting and learned to accept that I was no longer supposed to be in Hawaii. So, I called my parents and told them that I knew what I needed to do…I’m coming home.

I actually felt homesick for Oahu and cried myself to sleep for nights. It’s been over a month now and I’m starting to be more okay with being back. Each day gets a little better. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard not to wish I was still in Hawaii. Leaving was definitely the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. Honestly, I think I rather have been dumped because leaving my life there was definitely more heartbreaking. I’ve felt very abandoned, confused and lost since moving home. I know I’m supposed to be here for some reason, but why? Why am I here? Why did I have to give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life?

I don’t know the answer to those questions yet, but for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling very hopeful and optimistic. I know there is a plan for me. It may not be exactly what I had in mind or maybe it is. It’s hard to believe that good things can happen, but they will. I know they will. Only because I have been through this several times before. This is not the first time I’ve been broken hearted or felt like I hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a good place to start rebuilding yourself.

I’ve learned that you can’t expect everything to change and get better over night. It takes time to heal. It takes time to put yourself and your life back together. Be patient with yourself. Don’t give up hope. Believe in yourself and in your dreams. God has a plan for you. Trust in that plan. I know if I didn’t listen to that prompting to return home, I would miss out on other opportunities for great things to happen. I know that even though leaving Hawaii was difficult, He has something great planned for me next. I’m excited to see what will happen next and I wish I could know now. But now is the time for me to heal and to work on myself to get where I need to be.

Home Again

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Since living in Hawaii the past year, I have found my go to places to eat. Teddy’s, Zippy’s, Anna Millers…places I’m going to miss dearly when I leave. But I do have to say I’m definitely looking forward to all of my old favorite places that I miss eating at since they aren’t in Hawaii. Firehouse subs, Olive Garden, Panera…oh my gosh you guys my mouth is watering and my stomach is rumbling just thinking about eating at these places again. I may go to sleep tonight and dream about olive gardens salads and breadsticks.

I’m looking forward to having all of my belongings again. My furniture, my pictures, movies and books, the rest of my clothes and shoes. I’ve done a good job living a whole year without those things, but let’s be real, I’ll be glad to have them back. On top of that I’ll have a car again and even though I have an AUX cord and can play music from my phone, I’m overjoyed to play my old mix CDs to bring back some good memories.

But yes…a car! I’m so happy I could cry. Taking the bus to work and home every day has been a pain. I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed it at times. I enjoyed people watching and seeing the different kinds of people take the bus and some familiar faces, after a while, and wonder what their stories are. But at the same time its going to be so nice to be able to control when I leave and where I go. It’s hard relying on a bus or other people to get to work and to do other things on my days off. And also road trips…I miss road trips.

Most of all, it’ll be nice to see my family and friends again. To be able to spend holidays and celebrations with them. I miss going over to my parents house to hang out and try to sneak out with frozen pizzas. And of course I can’t wait to be able to snuggle my dog Buddy again and run around with him in my parents back yard.

Carolina Home


Recently, I took a trip home to the Carolina states. It’s been 7 months since I’ve seen my family and friends. Boy, did I miss them or what?

I got really lucky and had 8 days to visit. Originally I was flying back for a weekend for my friends wedding and then the day after the wedding, I’d fly back to Hawaii. It was good to be back in South Carolina. I haven’t really been home sick but I did miss everyone back home.

It was a good trip, but it was also kind of stressful. My friend Hannah’s wedding was beautiful and perfect! I’m beyond grateful she asked me to be a bridesmaid and that I was able to fly back for her wedding. I got to see my parents new home and spend time running around outside with my dog. I’ve never seen Buddy look so happy. At our old home, we had a gated pool area for him to run around free, but it wasn’t much. We had 10 acres of woods but he liked to run off and so we always had to keep him leashed. Now he has lots of room to run around free and unleashed.

I really wanted to visit Charleston, SC while I was home. I know, why would I go to the beach when I live in Hawaii and I’m surrounded by beaches? Well, Charleston has always been my favorite place to visit. I would go there all the time during the summer and I just missed it. Some of the greatest memories of mine have been made there. But I wasn’t able to take a road trip there because Charleston had just been pretty damaged by the Hurricane.

I was in the Carolina’s for 8 days and I tried to see all of my family and friends. I had it all planned out. But right before my trip, all of the plans kept changing. I ended up not getting to see everyone like I wanted. It kind of bothered me. Especially, when I’m trying to fit every one in my schedule in a short amount of time and trying not to feel bad if I left someone out. It got to the point that I barely got to spend time with my family.

I already miss everyone so much, but I’m so glad to be back in Hawaii. If anything, while I was in South Carolina, I got homesick for Hawaii. The Carolinas will always be home, but I don’t feel like it’s where I belong. I know more than anything that I made the right decision to move to Hawaii. It’s going to suck seeing my family about 2 times a year, but I don’t regret moving to Hawaii at all.

I’ll be back in The Carolina’s sometime in March. If you didn’t get to see me on my last trip, hopefully I’ll see you next time. I might just end up having a big party so I can see everyone at once.