New year. Same me.

d6b5b287-6d0e-4cc3-b3a3-c545fb4270c9fb10905f-297c-4c59-a671-b304cd4016c124d7cb12-8043-4f3b-9704-c54c55786b024e858b2b-b6b7-4ca9-a0fe-48be9bf2b633

This year I want to continue growing into the better and happier version of myself. 2019 will be a great year. I have decided that now. It will have its ups and downs just like every year does, but one thing I know I’ve learned from 2018 is that everything ALWAYS works out. Maybe not the way you want it to or as fast as you would like, but it does work out. 

How do I plan to grow into the better and happier me? Well, I’ll keep looking for ways to improve. Spiritually, mentally, physically. There’s always room for growth. Sometimes it’s just trying new things, going new places, learning something new by reading a book or picking up a new hobby, and taking risks.

Here is what I plan on doing in 2019:

I will start saving money better and doing more for others.

I will quit eating out as much and drinking so much soda.

I will learn how to start a mini garden at my apartment, a new language.

I will be more optimistic and patient during the hard times in my life.

I will improve on my yoga training and meditation.

New year, same me…just better. One that loves herself and wants to see herself grow, whatever that may take. I know this because I decided this, and you can too. Decide right now that this is going to be your year! Decide right now that no matter what happens, it will all work out for the best.

How are you going to make 2019 a great year for you? What are your goals and dreams for this year? How are you going to be a better version of yourself?

Taking Care of Myself

The last several months have had a bunch of up and down moments. Lately, it’s been a bunch of down moments. It feels like it’s one thing after another. One day I’m happy and doing good, then the next day I feel like my world is falling apart. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted! I barely sleep and when I do sleep, I toss and turn all night, have bad dreams and wake up even more tired.

One day exhaustion hit me hard and I was feeling sick. My body had enough. It also finally hit me that I really don’t take care of myself as much as I should or think I do. I tend to take care of everyone and everything else and forget about myself. Sometimes, I just tell myself I’m fine, I’ll take care of myself later and keep going.

By not taking care of myself, I’m not loving myself either. I’m tired of struggling. I am going to make a change. I am going to do better. I am going to take care of myself and I am going to show myself love and this is how I’m doing that:

The first thing I’ve done so far has been inspired by a new friend and mentor of mine, Brooke. She has helped me so much in the past week and one of the things she challenged me to do is make a few lists. If you read my last blog post, you know how much I love lists. The first list was to write a list of 10-20 things that I DON’T like in my life right now and then make another list of the things that I DO want to see in my life.

I turned the things I do want to see into affirmations; I am loved. I am strong. I am fearless. I recorded me saying my list of affirmations so I can listen to it every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. I may have recorded myself over a dozen of times because hearing my own voice being played back to me is SO WEIRD. The point of doing this is so I can hear these positive things and remind myself every day, twice a day of the things that I am and want to become until I believe it.

So, the second thing I have been doing is listening to uplifting and motivational podcasts every day. Usually, I listen to a podcasts series called “From the Heart: Conversations with Yoga Girl” by Rachel Brathen. I relate to so much she has to say. I feel like the best time for me to listen to podcasts are in the morning when I’m getting ready or driving to work. When I start my day listening to something positive, I am more likely to carry that positivity throughout my day. I feel like my days are better after listening to my affirmations and an inspiring podcast.

The third and final thing that I want to share with you is listening to my body. I’ve been trying to pay attention to what I need mentally and physically. What is my body telling me? Does it need rest, exercise, healthier food, fresh air? Lately, mine has been begging me to stretch and do some yoga. The past few weeks my back muscles have pretty much hated me, so I booked a massage to help my back feel better and to help me relax. Another thing my body has been asking me is to drink more water. So, I downloaded the My Water app and have it set to remind me every 2 hours to drink a cup of water. My mind has been needing a break and time to meditate or journal is exactly what I need.

In just the past few days of doing these things, I’ve noticed a difference. I feel like I have more energy, more positive energy. I know as I continue to care for myself, I will love myself more and that positive energy will grow. As I listen to my mind and my body and not only show it love but tell myself I am loved, things will begin to change in my life. Not saying I’m still going to have moments where I’m down and struggling, but those moments might not come as often and when they do, I will probably be able to get through it a lot better and a lot easier than I have been.

Working On My Personal Happiness

4333FEE9-04C7-4AFD-A7CB-F13CE7C26633

Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset
Processed with VSCO with e8 preset

Most of you know that over the last few months I have been struggling since moving back to South Carolina. I’ve felt very lost and depressed, but over the past couple of weeks I have been feeling much better. I’m feeling stronger and happier and I’m okay with where I’m at right now.

I still get sad when I see pictures of my friends in Hawaii or something reminds me of my life there. But then I smile and tell myself, “How awesome is it, that I got to live my dream”. Not many people get to do that and I did. I should be thankful. And I am. The past few weeks I have been working on myself…taking care of myself and changing my mindset.

One of the things I’ve been doing to help is make different kinds of lists. Not your normal shopping or to do list, but a list of short term and long term goals, a list of dreams, things that make me happy, things I’m thankful for…those kinds of lists. They’re all positive things and keep me from looking back on the past or focusing on the negative.

I’ve noticed that when I talk or think about the things that make me happy, I feel happy too. I wanted to share with you my list of 5 things that make me happy.

5 things that makes me happy:

1Spending time with family and friends

2Going to the beach or being outdoors

3Packing up the car and going on road trips.

4Going to Barnes N’ Nobles to find a good book to read and a comfy chair to sit in for a few hours

5Eating fresh fruit 

Whenever you have the time make a list for yourself. Feel free to share it in the comments or keep it to yourself. If you want to, you can even challenge a friend to do it with you. Add more than 5 things to it if you wish, make other lists too, just don’t forget to look back on them to see how far you go and use them as a reminder of your goals and of your happiness.

Now Is The Time To Heal

Sunset photo taken by Caleb White

To be honest. I’ve had a hard time lately dealing with the the fact that I left Hawaii. I miss it. I miss the island life, the energy I felt there, the atmosphere and the gorgeous view. Everything about it was beautiful. I loved my life there. It may have been the happiest I have ever been. Although it was hard at times and I definitely struggled, it was where I wanted to be. I knew when I took the job in Hawaii, the chances were that I’d only be there for a year, but I fell in love with the island and my life there and wanted to stay longer.

After losing my job, I tried to make it work for as long as I could in Hawaii. I ended up living with my best friend on the island and had a good job. It looked pretty promising. But once again I felt like my life was falling apart. After a while, I had a strong impression that I needed to move home. I fought that feeling for a while. I refused to go back to South Carolina. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and friends here, but I just felt like I couldn’t be myself and live the life I wanted. On top of that it’s like my past relationships and the unhappiness I felt before haunts me. Finally, I grew tired of fighting and learned to accept that I was no longer supposed to be in Hawaii. So, I called my parents and told them that I knew what I needed to do…I’m coming home.

I actually felt homesick for Oahu and cried myself to sleep for nights. It’s been over a month now and I’m starting to be more okay with being back. Each day gets a little better. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard not to wish I was still in Hawaii. Leaving was definitely the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. Honestly, I think I rather have been dumped because leaving my life there was definitely more heartbreaking. I’ve felt very abandoned, confused and lost since moving home. I know I’m supposed to be here for some reason, but why? Why am I here? Why did I have to give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life?

I don’t know the answer to those questions yet, but for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling very hopeful and optimistic. I know there is a plan for me. It may not be exactly what I had in mind or maybe it is. It’s hard to believe that good things can happen, but they will. I know they will. Only because I have been through this several times before. This is not the first time I’ve been broken hearted or felt like I hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a good place to start rebuilding yourself.

I’ve learned that you can’t expect everything to change and get better over night. It takes time to heal. It takes time to put yourself and your life back together. Be patient with yourself. Don’t give up hope. Believe in yourself and in your dreams. God has a plan for you. Trust in that plan. I know if I didn’t listen to that prompting to return home, I would miss out on other opportunities for great things to happen. I know that even though leaving Hawaii was difficult, He has something great planned for me next. I’m excited to see what will happen next and I wish I could know now. But now is the time for me to heal and to work on myself to get where I need to be.

Home Again

502cc4fa-d828-443c-b7ec-daa062a6af40

Since living in Hawaii the past year, I have found my go to places to eat. Teddy’s, Zippy’s, Anna Millers…places I’m going to miss dearly when I leave. But I do have to say I’m definitely looking forward to all of my old favorite places that I miss eating at since they aren’t in Hawaii. Firehouse subs, Olive Garden, Panera…oh my gosh you guys my mouth is watering and my stomach is rumbling just thinking about eating at these places again. I may go to sleep tonight and dream about olive gardens salads and breadsticks.

I’m looking forward to having all of my belongings again. My furniture, my pictures, movies and books, the rest of my clothes and shoes. I’ve done a good job living a whole year without those things, but let’s be real, I’ll be glad to have them back. On top of that I’ll have a car again and even though I have an AUX cord and can play music from my phone, I’m overjoyed to play my old mix CDs to bring back some good memories.

But yes…a car! I’m so happy I could cry. Taking the bus to work and home every day has been a pain. I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed it at times. I enjoyed people watching and seeing the different kinds of people take the bus and some familiar faces, after a while, and wonder what their stories are. But at the same time its going to be so nice to be able to control when I leave and where I go. It’s hard relying on a bus or other people to get to work and to do other things on my days off. And also road trips…I miss road trips.

Most of all, it’ll be nice to see my family and friends again. To be able to spend holidays and celebrations with them. I miss going over to my parents house to hang out and try to sneak out with frozen pizzas. And of course I can’t wait to be able to snuggle my dog Buddy again and run around with him in my parents back yard.

A New Year

Happy New Year everyone!

I was just thinking about everything that’s happened between now and this time last year. It has been a crazy year!

It started off well. I spent New Years with a couple of the greatest friends ever and then just a short few weeks later, I found out I got a job in Hawaii. I was excited to move.

My time here started off better than could ever be imagined. Lately, it has gotten a little rocky and now a little better.

I’ve changed and grown up a lot. I’m the same and completely different at the same time. I’ve tried new things and seen things I’ve never experienced before. Things I didn’t like or was scared of, I now enjoy. (For instance, when my sister was here in November, I ordered shrimp at a restaurant. She looked at me and said, “Are you going to eat that?” She was shocked because I don’t like seafood.)

It’s been an amazing journey living here in Hawaii. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat and honestly, I wouldn’t do anything differently…well, except have a better contract with my original job. Other than that, I didn’t regret a single thing.

The last few months haven’t quite been what I imagined for myself. I didn’t think I would have to search for a new job and a place to live. I knew living here would be different and sometimes a struggle. But I didn’t think I would end up without a place to live, having my job terminated early and my transportation all in a day. To start anew has been super tough. All I do now is work now.  I don’t have any time to spend with friends or explore the island. It actually breaks my heart.

So, after weeks of fighting myself about whether or not I need to stay here or go home, I’ve realized that what I need to do might not be what I want to do. I realize my adventure here in Hawaii is over for now and that I need to return home in February. Who knows? I would love to return. I want to come back.

This has probably been the hardest and most heartbreaking decision I’ve ever had to make. I love Hawaii so much. But after a while, I’ve started to be okay with going home. I know it’ll just be a temporary thing until I’m on to my next adventure. I’ve been thinking about moving to Charleston eventually but who knows.

What I do know is that my resolution for 2018 is to live a Happy life no matter where I am or who I am with.

For The Guy Who Dates Me Next


I’m always going to overthink. I will read into everything you do or say. I don’t get my hopes up. Instead, I’m prepared for the worst because it always ends badly for me. In fact, I’m waiting for that call or text from you any minute saying that It’s not going to work out. Even if that’s not what is going to happen, I think that’s exactly how things will turn out. This is just how I am.
My past makes me this way and as much as I hate it, I can’t change it. I will always wonder if I’m good or pretty or interesting enough for you. I worry about every little thing I do or say because I don’t want to be pushy or clingy. I don’t want to scare you off.

I will wonder why you are with me and if you really are interested in me. Are you planning on sticking around or am I just someone to fill in that temporary loneliness?

I know that there will come a day that I won’t think these things anymore. I will know that you want to be with me because you actually do like me. And I will believe that that you aren’t going anywhere. Your intentions and feelings are honest and real.

But until then, please be patient with me. Sometimes, I will shut you out and unintentionally push you away. I don’t open up easily and if I do, it’s because I feel like I can trust you. I just need you to remind me that you’re here to stay. Tell me how much you care about me, even if you think I’m tired of hearing it. I promise I will never get tired of hearing it.

I might not be the prettiest, smartest girl and sometimes I feel like I don’t have a lot going for me, but I am the most loving and loyal girl you will ever meet. I will go out of my way to make sure you’re happy and that you know how much I care about you, that sometimes I forget about myself. All I ever wanted is to make someone happy. I want to love someone, but I also want someone to love me back.

I’ve never been loved back before. I’ve never been a priority or taken care of. I’ve never been treated like I’m special and one of a kind. I’ve been made so many broken promises.

It’s not fair how I’ve been treated, but as hard as it is for me to open up and give my heart to someone, there’s nothing I want more than to do that. I want to give you my whole heart. I hope that you stay around long enough to give me that chance.