Now Is The Time To Heal

Sunset photo taken by Caleb White

To be honest. I’ve had a hard time lately dealing with the the fact that I left Hawaii. I miss it. I miss the island life, the energy I felt there, the atmosphere and the gorgeous view. Everything about it was beautiful. I loved my life there. It may have been the happiest I have ever been. Although it was hard at times and I definitely struggled, it was where I wanted to be. I knew when I took the job in Hawaii, the chances were that I’d only be there for a year, but I fell in love with the island and my life there and wanted to stay longer.

After losing my job, I tried to make it work for as long as I could in Hawaii. I ended up living with my best friend on the island and had a good job. It looked pretty promising. But once again I felt like my life was falling apart. After a while, I had a strong impression that I needed to move home. I fought that feeling for a while. I refused to go back to South Carolina. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and friends here, but I just felt like I couldn’t be myself and live the life I wanted. On top of that it’s like my past relationships and the unhappiness I felt before haunts me. Finally, I grew tired of fighting and learned to accept that I was no longer supposed to be in Hawaii. So, I called my parents and told them that I knew what I needed to do…I’m coming home.

I actually felt homesick for Oahu and cried myself to sleep for nights. It’s been over a month now and I’m starting to be more okay with being back. Each day gets a little better. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard not to wish I was still in Hawaii. Leaving was definitely the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. Honestly, I think I rather have been dumped because leaving my life there was definitely more heartbreaking. I’ve felt very abandoned, confused and lost since moving home. I know I’m supposed to be here for some reason, but why? Why am I here? Why did I have to give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life?

I don’t know the answer to those questions yet, but for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling very hopeful and optimistic. I know there is a plan for me. It may not be exactly what I had in mind or maybe it is. It’s hard to believe that good things can happen, but they will. I know they will. Only because I have been through this several times before. This is not the first time I’ve been broken hearted or felt like I hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a good place to start rebuilding yourself.

I’ve learned that you can’t expect everything to change and get better over night. It takes time to heal. It takes time to put yourself and your life back together. Be patient with yourself. Don’t give up hope. Believe in yourself and in your dreams. God has a plan for you. Trust in that plan. I know if I didn’t listen to that prompting to return home, I would miss out on other opportunities for great things to happen. I know that even though leaving Hawaii was difficult, He has something great planned for me next. I’m excited to see what will happen next and I wish I could know now. But now is the time for me to heal and to work on myself to get where I need to be.

Home Again

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Since living in Hawaii the past year, I have found my go to places to eat. Teddy’s, Zippy’s, Anna Millers…places I’m going to miss dearly when I leave. But I do have to say I’m definitely looking forward to all of my old favorite places that I miss eating at since they aren’t in Hawaii. Firehouse subs, Olive Garden, Panera…oh my gosh you guys my mouth is watering and my stomach is rumbling just thinking about eating at these places again. I may go to sleep tonight and dream about olive gardens salads and breadsticks.

I’m looking forward to having all of my belongings again. My furniture, my pictures, movies and books, the rest of my clothes and shoes. I’ve done a good job living a whole year without those things, but let’s be real, I’ll be glad to have them back. On top of that I’ll have a car again and even though I have an AUX cord and can play music from my phone, I’m overjoyed to play my old mix CDs to bring back some good memories.

But yes…a car! I’m so happy I could cry. Taking the bus to work and home every day has been a pain. I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed it at times. I enjoyed people watching and seeing the different kinds of people take the bus and some familiar faces, after a while, and wonder what their stories are. But at the same time its going to be so nice to be able to control when I leave and where I go. It’s hard relying on a bus or other people to get to work and to do other things on my days off. And also road trips…I miss road trips.

Most of all, it’ll be nice to see my family and friends again. To be able to spend holidays and celebrations with them. I miss going over to my parents house to hang out and try to sneak out with frozen pizzas. And of course I can’t wait to be able to snuggle my dog Buddy again and run around with him in my parents back yard.

A New Year

Happy New Year everyone!

I was just thinking about everything that’s happened between now and this time last year. It has been a crazy year!

It started off well. I spent New Years with a couple of the greatest friends ever and then just a short few weeks later, I found out I got a job in Hawaii. I was excited to move.

My time here started off better than could ever be imagined. Lately, it has gotten a little rocky and now a little better.

I’ve changed and grown up a lot. I’m the same and completely different at the same time. I’ve tried new things and seen things I’ve never experienced before. Things I didn’t like or was scared of, I now enjoy. (For instance, when my sister was here in November, I ordered shrimp at a restaurant. She looked at me and said, “Are you going to eat that?” She was shocked because I don’t like seafood.)

It’s been an amazing journey living here in Hawaii. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat and honestly, I wouldn’t do anything differently…well, except have a better contract with my original job. Other than that, I didn’t regret a single thing.

The last few months haven’t quite been what I imagined for myself. I didn’t think I would have to search for a new job and a place to live. I knew living here would be different and sometimes a struggle. But I didn’t think I would end up without a place to live, having my job terminated early and my transportation all in a day. To start anew has been super tough. All I do now is work now.  I don’t have any time to spend with friends or explore the island. It actually breaks my heart.

So, after weeks of fighting myself about whether or not I need to stay here or go home, I’ve realized that what I need to do might not be what I want to do. I realize my adventure here in Hawaii is over for now and that I need to return home in February. Who knows? I would love to return. I want to come back.

This has probably been the hardest and most heartbreaking decision I’ve ever had to make. I love Hawaii so much. But after a while, I’ve started to be okay with going home. I know it’ll just be a temporary thing until I’m on to my next adventure. I’ve been thinking about moving to Charleston eventually but who knows.

What I do know is that my resolution for 2018 is to live a Happy life no matter where I am or who I am with.

Getting Into The Groove of Things

It’s been a while since I’ve updated everyone. I haven’t been able to post anything on my blog yet. It’s really hard to blog on my phone. I’ll be buying a tablet this weekend to hold me over until I get a new laptop. (If y’all have any suggestions on what to get, that’d be great! — looking into iPads & the Microsoft surface thing. Haha)
I’ve been here almost a whole month! It’s so insane to think about. Time really has flown by & I really enjoy it here. I’ve met lots of amazing people & have already made some friends that I hangout with. Everything has just been so good. I’m so happy & I’m excited about each & every day here.


No, I am not super tan yet…no cute tan lines, more like a farmers tan from the many walks I take every day with the kids. I haven’t been to the beach since my mom was here. I’m really hoping that will change soon, now that I’ve gotten myself adjusted & have people to hangout with.

I’m still trying to find my go-to Japanese place to eat here, since there isn’t a Fuji. My favorite place to hangout is the mall just 10 mins down the road. I love just walking around, even if I don’t buy anything.


Work & living with the family I work with has been so nice. It’s nice that I work where I live because I don’t have to get up an hour or so early to get ready and leave. The family & I get a long great. Finally found my groove with the kids & everything has been going smoothly, especially nap time now. I love snuggles from the 7 month old & the 2 year old is attached to my hip most of the day. She’s my best bud. She comes into my room 20 times a day. She loves being with me when I get ready in the mornings or when I’m getting ready to go somewhere. She watches me as I do my hair & makeup & loves it when I pretend to put deodorant on her & do her makeup. She does get into my stuff a lot…that’s going to take some getting used to. She took my shoes that I was going to wear the other day & threw them out the door as I was getting ready to leave for sports night…then went to go picked them up to give them to me & tried to hide them instead. Haha. This is definitely great practice for when I have my own kids someday, that’s for sure!

It’s Finally February 

I can’t believe it’s February already! It’s going to be a busy month and full of changes. I am looking forward to every single day. My 25th birthday is this month and then two days after my birthday, I board a flight with my mom to Hawaii. I still can’t believe I am moving to Hawaii, it’s so surreal.
There are a ton of things that I need to do and so many people I need to see before I move. I am constantly on the go and doing something. The past week or so, I’ve hardly took a moment to relax and take care of myself. And even when I do have time to myself, I am cleaning, or packing…I’m always doing something to stay busy and to prepare for Hawaii. My mind is cluttered and I have a million thoughts going on at once. I’m tired to the point my body is starting to shut down. I’m currently in bed, writing this blog post, when I have about fifty other things I need to be doing, but instead I’m going to rest. I have the day off, so why not? I’m going to do an unwinding yoga sequence, drink lots of water, watch Scrubs reruns and take a nap.
Tomorrow, I will do what I can, but not everything. I don’t want to stress myself out again. I need to take care of myself and take my time. I still have 16 days until I leave. I have time to get everything done and I have some amazing friends who will help me.
No matter how much you have going on or how stressful things may be, don’t forget to take time for yourself and take care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritual. You can’t take care of the things on your to-do list or any one else, if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Things left to do:

  • Buy shorts
  • Pack
  • Order contacts + glasses
  • Farewell Parties
  • Mani/Pedi
  • Ultra Skin – Wax appointment

Moving To Hawaii

This is a picture of me in Hawaii. I was only 7 years old and I was on vacation with my family. My mom had been cured of her colon cancer and my family spent a couple of weeks to go on vacation to celebrate. I remember being at the airport and my dad rented a convertible mustang. I thought it was the coolest thing ever, even though we had to sit on top of our luggage because not all of it could fit in the trunk. It was pretty funny and one of my families favorite memories to this day. I loved everything about Hawaii. Growing up, I always dreamed that I would one day go back to live there and it looks like my dream came true.

Over the summer I attended a church fireside, I’m not exactly sure what the fireside was about, but I remember how the couple who spoke said they met in Hawaii while they were there for school. They talked a lot about their experience there and it really got me thinking about how amazing it would be if I could just move to Hawaii. I never really thought it would happen but I kept thinking about it and talking about it to my friends and family. I wanted to move to Hawaii so bad and I wanted to move there by next summer. Eventually, life kind of got in the way. I had moved in with my sister, I have had a lot of car problems and I wasn’t making enough financially and everything that was happening made me feel like my chances of going to Hawaii were slim to none. I believed that it wasn’t my time yet for something big, like moving to Hawaii. Eventually I gave up on the idea and ended up focusing on other things and getting my life in order.

Recently, I was hanging out with a friend of mine. We were hanging out in my room talking and catching eachother up on what’s been going on over the past week or two. I told her how I was stressing out about finding a new job and how I was struggling to find something that provided good hours and pay. I jokingly talked about how I wish it was possible for me to find a job in Hawaii and then all of the sudden I knew what I needed to do to make that happen. I searched online for a live-in nanny job. It was the first job that popped up and it was an amazing, once in a life time opportunity. I told my friend about it and I called to tell my parents as well. After talking to them, I knew I had to apply for the job, even if it was a long shot. I was brave and took a chance. Within 4 hours, I heard back from the family that I applied for and they wanted to INTERVIEW ME! How crazy is that!? I interviewed with the family via FaceTime and it went really well because a few days later, I got a call and the job was mine! I’m moving to Hawaii!!


Time next month I will be in Hawaii with my mom, moving into my new place that I will be living in for the next year or so. It’s crazy to think about! The last few years, I’ve seen all of my friends have exciting and amazing things happen to them. They graduate from college, get really important jobs, they move, get married, have babies….the biggest thing for me was moving 20 minutes away from home and living with my sister, but still, it’s hard seeing these great things happening to others and I feel like I’ve been waiting for forever for something big and exciting to happen to me. I know things happen for a reason and I know that a year ago, I wouldn’t have been ready for a big move like this. I have grown so much this past year. I’m ready. I’m ready for this big adventure that I’m about to experience. I can’t believe it’s happening!

I have a lot to do and people to see before I leave. It’s bittersweet, but I know I will be back to visit soon.