Taking Care of Myself

The last several months have had a bunch of up and down moments. Lately, it’s been a bunch of down moments. It feels like it’s one thing after another. One day I’m happy and doing good, then the next day I feel like my world is falling apart. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted! I barely sleep and when I do sleep, I toss and turn all night, have bad dreams and wake up even more tired.

One day exhaustion hit me hard and I was feeling sick. My body had enough. It also finally hit me that I really don’t take care of myself as much as I should or think I do. I tend to take care of everyone and everything else and forget about myself. Sometimes, I just tell myself I’m fine, I’ll take care of myself later and keep going.

By not taking care of myself, I’m not loving myself either. I’m tired of struggling. I am going to make a change. I am going to do better. I am going to take care of myself and I am going to show myself love and this is how I’m doing that:

The first thing I’ve done so far has been inspired by a new friend and mentor of mine, Brooke. She has helped me so much in the past week and one of the things she challenged me to do is make a few lists. If you read my last blog post, you know how much I love lists. The first list was to write a list of 10-20 things that I DON’T like in my life right now and then make another list of the things that I DO want to see in my life.

I turned the things I do want to see into affirmations; I am loved. I am strong. I am fearless. I recorded me saying my list of affirmations so I can listen to it every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. I may have recorded myself over a dozen of times because hearing my own voice being played back to me is SO WEIRD. The point of doing this is so I can hear these positive things and remind myself every day, twice a day of the things that I am and want to become until I believe it.

So, the second thing I have been doing is listening to uplifting and motivational podcasts every day. Usually, I listen to a podcasts series called “From the Heart: Conversations with Yoga Girl” by Rachel Brathen. I relate to so much she has to say. I feel like the best time for me to listen to podcasts are in the morning when I’m getting ready or driving to work. When I start my day listening to something positive, I am more likely to carry that positivity throughout my day. I feel like my days are better after listening to my affirmations and an inspiring podcast.

The third and final thing that I want to share with you is listening to my body. I’ve been trying to pay attention to what I need mentally and physically. What is my body telling me? Does it need rest, exercise, healthier food, fresh air? Lately, mine has been begging me to stretch and do some yoga. The past few weeks my back muscles have pretty much hated me, so I booked a massage to help my back feel better and to help me relax. Another thing my body has been asking me is to drink more water. So, I downloaded the My Water app and have it set to remind me every 2 hours to drink a cup of water. My mind has been needing a break and time to meditate or journal is exactly what I need.

In just the past few days of doing these things, I’ve noticed a difference. I feel like I have more energy, more positive energy. I know as I continue to care for myself, I will love myself more and that positive energy will grow. As I listen to my mind and my body and not only show it love but tell myself I am loved, things will begin to change in my life. Not saying I’m still going to have moments where I’m down and struggling, but those moments might not come as often and when they do, I will probably be able to get through it a lot better and a lot easier than I have been.

Let It Go

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Lately, I’ve just been in a grumpy mood. I’ve been holding in a lot of negative energy and it’s starting to really take affect on me and how my day goes, also how I treat others. Little things bother me and I get irritated really quick. A couple of things happened a few weeks ago and even though I’ve said I’m over it, it’s still eating me up inside. That’s what has been causing this, the other day someone told me to just “let it go.” I wanted to respond “I’m trying.” But then I had to stop and think…”am I really?”

The answer is No. I’m not really trying. At least not the right way. I’m just holding in all of the negative energy and hoping it will just go away on its own. It’s not helping, it’s making it worse. I’m not doing anything to release it. I’ve been letting this go on for so long, that I’ve lost motivation to do anything about it. But not anymore. I hate that it took someone telling me to “let it go” to actually do something about it.

Since moving here, I’ve pretty much been stress free, not a care in the world, feeling free and happy. But it started to wear off because I’m not taking care of myself. I haven’t been getting enough sleep like I used to. I haven’t been journaling, doing my yoga and meditation…everything I used to do to distress, clear my mind and release negative energy, I stopped. I can’t expect for what has been bothering me, to go away on it’s own, it just doesn’t work like that.

I keep saying that I’m going to go to this yoga studio and start getting back into my yoga practice, but I haven’t. I tried going once since living in Hawaii, but I was too late for class. I could have gone to the beach or a park to do yoga on my own, but I didn’t. I came home, grabbed something to eat, crawled into my bed watched Netflix and checked social media instead. It’s hard to practice yoga and meditation at home with the kids. There’s just so many distractions. I can’t relax.

I’m going to make a goal for myself to at least go to the yoga studio once a week to practice. The other days, I will find a spot on the beach, layout my mat, practice my yoga, meditate, and write in my journal. I also want to set a good sleep routine, say my daily prayers and study my scriptures daily. I feel that if I do this, I will feel better and if I continue to do this, I will be able to let go of things and not let them bother me.

This weeks mantra… Let. It. Go.